7 principles of Conscious Dating
7 principles of conscious dating by Ana Kosta
Start from yourself - what makes you a great partner? Include everything that you bring into a relationship - your values, behaviors, qualities, experiences, lifestyle, and career. Practice self-love by reading all this out loud to yourself and create a self-love ritual to honor yourself and your amazingness with it.
Get clear on what you really want in a partner and in a relationship. What characteristics and values this partner needs to have so that you could be with them and what is the container of the relationship you’d like to have with such a partner. What kind of experiences would you like to have within the relationship, how would you keep a secure connection to each other, how would you resolve conflict, what would you do to deepen the intimacy, etc?
Now get really clear on what are the absolute deal-breakers and reflect on how these could be displayed in the initial dating phases as red flags. Try to come up with at least one red flag for each of your deal breakers, referring either to your past experience or simply by asking yourself, how would someone show it? This should help you spot the red flags more easily when in a heightened emotional state during a date and enable you to ask questions that matter so you can have clarity.4
Be aware of what your minimum required standards are when interacting with a potential date and also what your boundaries are in terms of getting to know each other and connecting deeper. Come up with phrases that you could use when a standard or boundary is crossed. This should help you act upon your truth in the moment and express it, rather than going into a freeze and being doubtful about how to handle it or worse pretending that it hasn’t happened because it’s unpleasant to face it.
Come from the place of sufficiency. Make sure your cup is always full and have a backup plan in case you experience rejection or ghosting. Always have your own solo plan for filling up your tank, something you can go back to soothe yourself and your nervous system if things don’t play out as you desire. Also, make sure to regularly have plans for nourishing yourself and experiencing pleasure on your own. Having a regular self-pleasuring practice is such a supportive element while dating. It helps you show up in dating from a high-vibe energy.
Have your own support system - dating can be highly triggering and you’ll feel much better if you have your own support network. It’s important to choose it wisely, you don’t want to just ramble about dating issues with people who cannot understand it. Think who from your circle would be willing to support you and remind you of your awesomeness via phone, text, social media or face-to-face if you hit a rough patch and spiral down. This can also be a group of women on a similar mission or a coach, or even better all of it together.
Celebrate yourself and express gratitude - remind yourself consciously of all the great things you have already manifested in your life and celebrate each new win no matter how small or big it is. Make a small celebration ritual to honor how far you have come as a person. This will also help put you in the right mindset, raise your frequency of attraction and believe more in your success to attract the right partner for yourself.
Remember, you only need that ONE person, so it doesn’t matter how many unsuitable dates you find along the way. Don’t let yourself slip into a belief that the one for you doesn’t exist. Because the Universe is always trying to send you the proof that you are right.